Submissions
These aphorisms have been submitted by users but are not (yet) included in the official collection.
5021–5040 (5232)
tiny.ag/sud9aw0i · submitted 2001
Washington is such a mess because most American voters are making political decisions with a broken bullsh*t detector.
tiny.ag/t7hivu6o · submitted 2001
If God created Man on the Seventh Day, His fatigue was obvious.
tiny.ag/m0zvut1y · submitted 2001
The only political conviction I have is that most politicians should be convicted.
tiny.ag/ahl2zuia · submitted 2001
One golfer a year is hit by lightning. This may be the only evidence we have of godÂ’s existence.
Steve Aylett, Atom /
The most amusing thing about a pantomime horse is the necessity of having to shoot it twice.
Aylett, Bigot Hall /
How many times does a man have to shave before his chin gets the message?
Slaughtermatic, Aylett /
We have truth in order not to die of art.
Bigot Hall, Aylett /
Staring is its own reward.
Aylett, Toxicology /
What happens when the hitcher and the driver are equally murderous?
Aylett, Atom
Steve Aylett, Aylett writes satire novels like ATOM.
tiny.ag/dljxlzh0 · submitted 2001
Sometimes the best battle strategy is knowing when to surrender.
tiny.ag/ltoqy1d9 · submitted 2001
I met a socialist who angrily proclaimed that the rich and greedy people in the west have always exploited the poor people in the east. I answered with the question "Why exploit the poor when the rich is a such more enticing target?"
Carl, Paradox of socialism
tiny.ag/g5uev9lq · submitted 2001
Che Guevara is a good socialistic symbol for the humanitarian struggle of equal rights, if you just also forget that he was a murderous bastard.
Carl, Paradox of socialism
tiny.ag/egqyrcdb · submitted 2001
The best way to get a husband to do anything is to suggest that he is too old to do it.
tiny.ag/4zpdmfbb · submitted 2001
There's a fine line between bravery and stupidity.
(And sometimes we cross back and forth, never knowing we have been there.)
Nancy Reid, advice to our children as they grew up
tiny.ag/wkg8dpyf · submitted 2001
Love each other when you are not together. That is real love. One that can love only when he is together, never asks with whom he is.
Those that know a lot – talk very little. And opposite - those that talk the most, know nothing. That is related. Only thinking can prevent man from talk.
If you have to thrash your children, do that for no reason, because all other reasons are much more stupid.
This morning some fools are overtaking idiots because stoplights of some morons, in front of idiots, are not working.
DonÂ’t overtake smarter than you. Real goal is: who will drive longerÂ… not faster.
We canÂ’t live without other people. Some of them are making our problemsÂ… some others are solving them for us.
DonÂ’t insist on teaching your children domestic education if you donÂ’t know how to do that. No education is better than wrong education.
Price of newspapers will jump soon. ItÂ’s a shame that it is always due to cost of paper and never because of value of the content.
Start thrashing your children as soon as you notice that they are reminding you of yourself.
It is becoming too cold and expensive to bath regularly. Therefore, apply lightly some deodorant.
For first impression, thatÂ’s enough.
For second impression, no one has time any more.
To keep your maid, by her a concert piano. She wonÂ’t run away just like that.
One our fellow-citizen bite own tongue few weeks ago. That was the last time he felt meat in his mouth.
Smart people are lucky. They have a choice to be either smart or stupid, as they need. Stupid people are not that lucky.
Could people be better?
Yes, they could, but no one wants to start first. Everyone has a bad previous experience.
No one has more than one life. However, many people are wasting a few more lives besides there own.
If all men are cheating on women, it has to be, consequently, that all women have to be involved too.
Who want to be right all the time, he has to change opinion frequently.
We all like to have as much as we can, but we donÂ’t know to live happily from that. Nothing that we have can make us that happy, as unhappy we can be for that what we donÂ’t have.
When they metÂ… man that donÂ’t know what he want, and woman that know exactly what she want, that meeting has to finish in marriage.
Only cowards are trying to love several women. Brave and honest man is never afraid to love only one.
Modesty is not for everyone. It looks nice and appropriate only on those that well deserves to have right to be immodest if they want.
If someone is stupid, you canÂ’t prove even that to him.
If you are arguing with an idiot, first make sure that he is not doing the same thing.
When your opinions carry more weight, you can carry less.
Try to think this way:
If no one understands you, it can only be that you are not right.
Gifts are rare and cheap.
Everything else is bribe.
Today, women will groom their husbandÂ’s cars.
Publicly and loudly so that everyone can see and hear.
We are not that what we are, but that what others think that we are.
Woman has to be woman non-stop.
They never know when their husbands can become men.
Invest in your tummy!
That investment is giving fast and obvious results.
Investing in head is to much time consuming and uncertain.
Women donÂ’t want to be equal with men, that is nothing, they want to be equal with other women.
To get a real value of some people, it is necessary to divide their successes with number of influential friends.
If you solve all of your children problems, they will have no other problems except you.
Women!
Turn your home into a pub and you will be surprised how cheerful and entertaining your husband can be.
Dr. Borivoje Jagodic, All aphorisms are my own reflections.
tiny.ag/cbtvjreu · submitted 2001
Epitaph: Something said in passing.
Michael Irvine, SCE Higher English exam answer, c.1994
tiny.ag/zfzegvwr · submitted 2001
Epitaph: Something said in passing.
Michael Irvine, SCE Higher English exam answer, c.1994
tiny.ag/9vhl3t76 · submitted 2001
A man owning a watch knows the exact time. A man with two watches is never sure.
tiny.ag/yba7ooat · submitted 2001
If the egg falls on the stone, too bad for the egg. If the stone falls on the egg, too bad for the egg.
tiny.ag/vb5lww1q · submitted 2001
An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a
very narrow field.
Neils Bohr, Though this one was worth sharing
tiny.ag/ago4hg6w · submitted 2001
Hugging is sex with clothes on but sex is hugging with clothes off.
Tim Bates, Tim's Compiliation of Aphorisms
tiny.ag/bvtizvgo · submitted 2001
In a world where no man can think for himself, one man must think for all of man kind, that man is Tim Bates.
Tim Bates, http://www.geocities.com/bigoldfashen
tiny.ag/8sykmqwu · submitted 2001
The number one cause of funerals is death.
Tim Bates, Tim's Compiliation of Aphorisms
tiny.ag/utn7yqip · submitted 2001
I live for love, everything beyond that is a complication.
5021–5040 (5232)