Unknown

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot dog stands on the moon.

Unknown, in Men and Women

If people talk negatively about you, live so that no one will believe them.

Unknown, in Vice and Virtue

If only I could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without having to accomplish anything.

Unknown, in Work and Recreation

If only I could be respected without having to be respectable.

Unknown, in Vice and Virtue

If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

Unknown, in Work and Recreation

If it weren't for caffeine I'd have no personality whatsoever.

Unknown, in Food and Drink

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

Unknown, in Wisdom and Ignorance

If everyone would sweep in front of their own door, the whole world would be clean.

Unknown, (Middle Eastern proverb), in Vice and Virtue

If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?

Unknown, in Work and Recreation

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life.

Unknown, in Life and Death

I wish I were what I was when I wanted to be what I am now.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

I'd like to meet the man who invented sex and see what he's working on now.

Unknown, in Love and Hate and Vice and Virtue

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

Unknown, in Success and Failure and Wealth and Poverty

I'm not afraid of work... I can even sleep beside it.

Unknown, in Vice and Virtue and Work and Recreation

If I can be of any help, you're in worse trouble than I thought.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

Unknown, in Wisdom and Ignorance

In politics people work hard to get a job and do little after they get it.

Unknown, (from Politicians and Other Scoundrels by Ferdinand Lundberg), in Law and Politics