Unknown

If only I could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without having to accomplish anything.

Unknown, in Work and Recreation

If only I could be respected without having to be respectable.

Unknown, in Vice and Virtue

If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

Unknown, in Work and Recreation

If it weren't for caffeine I'd have no personality whatsoever.

Unknown, in Food and Drink

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

Unknown, in Wisdom and Ignorance

If everyone would sweep in front of their own door, the whole world would be clean.

Unknown, (Middle Eastern proverb), in Vice and Virtue

If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?

Unknown, in Work and Recreation

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

Unknown, in Wisdom and Ignorance

If I can be of any help, you're in worse trouble than I thought.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

I've had one child. My husband wants to have another. I'd like to watch <EM>him</EM> have another.

Unknown, in Men and Women

I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life.

Unknown, in Life and Death

I'm not afraid of work... I can even sleep beside it.

Unknown, in Vice and Virtue and Work and Recreation

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

Unknown, in Success and Failure and Wealth and Poverty

Everything you do or say is public relations.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

Everyone smiles in the same language.

Unknown, in Happiness and Misery

Experience is often what you get when you were expecting something else.

Unknown, in Wisdom and Ignorance